Life has been SO busy with my Chasing my Dreams journey, and my Fitness Goals training/Event organising, that I just havent had the chance to update this Blog after every training session lately…ooops!!
But lets just say, the overall feeling in May-leading into June 2012, is AMAZING PROGRESS!!! Progress that has come as a real surprise…and growing with momentum!
I am now walking straighter than I have since getting back up on my crutches after all these years..and with a lot less ‘focus’ needed, when walking with my two crutches – I can now quite happily walk alongside Mike, with my two crutches, and chat away with him, as we are walking at the gym. Next goal is to concentrate on walking with less/no crutches, and walking just with Mike/Keas support…and with much less focus and energy needed, to do so.
June 4, 2012 – I have recently started my Beach Walk training with Stacie (we have basically almost nailed my Mountain…we still have some work to do on it, to get me to be able to achieve this goal, but we now need to focus on the Beach Walk side of the training – such an incredible feeling to be walking on this beach that others get down and walk on all the time….such a precious feeling. I wont deny that its incredibly hard work – but it is an EPIC feeling to be able to walk a short distance ON the beach, ON the sand! Wow!
June 6, 2012 – I am now walking beside Mike at the gym, sometimes with one crutch and Mike on the other side….and more recently I have attempted to walk with NO crutches at all, just holding Mikes hand!
June 11, 2012 – These past few days have been a huge ‘wake-up’ call to my mind…Ive basically, without realising it till it hit me in the face head-on, become daunted by the enormity of what I am doing….and scared, whether I am able to actually achieve all of this by October. I know I will and can do it…but Ive lost a bit of the BELIEF, the deep down belief that I can do it, by October. And this scares me…Ive had such strong belief until now…and thats disappeared. I was warned this was going to happen at some stage (the incredible mind challenge that Im facing, aside from my body challenges)…but its hit me like a ton of bricks! On this past Saturday, I even had thoughts of giving the whole thing up…(Saturday was also my First birthday of my ‘Chasing my Dreams’ bucket list journey….where this whole adventure started from)..what an incredible year it has been – no wonder my mind is a little exhausted right now, along with my body! The moment that you feel like giving up on something…is the moment that you realise just how important something REALLY is to you. I am not giving up on this, for ANYTHING on this Earth!
Im pretty sure it has something to do with, when I walked on the beach for the first time…I had convinced myself that my ‘Climb’ (the Boardwalk) was the ‘hard part’ of this whole challenge Ive set myself…and that when we got onto the beach-walking side of things, that that would be ‘a walk in the park’ – after all, once youve climbed a mountain, walking down the beach is easy….right? Wrong! Ive become daunted, and very surprised at how difficult walking on the sand actually is. And I think….disappointed. I SO want to feel that ‘natural, strolling down the beach, in the beautiful nature that I love…the ocean, the beach’ feeling – after all, thats the dream….that, getting onto the beach and finding out that it wasnt easy at all….that was a bit of a shock.
BUT…Im determined to get past this….Im determined that I will gain my BELIEF back, that I CAN do this. Onwards and Upwards!
I headed to the gym this morning for a session by myself..and it was a bit of a breakthrough..which I needed:
Just me…one crutch….and the wall to stabilise me for my walking practice. No one beside me for ‘security’ (totally my choice to do it by myself, today).
Nothing like the feeling of getting really angry at the wall, for having to be there to hold me up…instead of me managing to do it, myself…I WANT to be able to do it myself (grrrr) The poor wall haha..it did nothing wrong..but I kept getting angry at it!
Todays gym session helped…along with reaching out to others, gaining verbal support from them…and also another tactic I discovered yesterday while out with others, which is slowly working is…instead of letting my mind stay in the conflict, getting further and further ‘locked in’ to it…I stepped outside of it, and looked in and examined, what I was REALLY feeling, from my heart…not from my mind that these negative thoughts were feeding me. That enabled me to get an objective view of whats happening inside my mind….instead of just focussing on, and getting lost in, the negative thoughts, themselves…
June 13, 2012 – My session with Mike went well….better than expected – I went in there feeling somewhat unmotivated – but came out feeling fantastic about what I am achieving. Not only that, but Mike put another challenge to me – in September, Im going to get the opportunity to train HIM for an hour at the gym! haha…how awesome is that? For an hour, I will get to dish out punishment to him, by coming up with a program thats going to push HIS limits! Epic! But..he’s cottoned on to me, I started asking little questions like (when I was doing pushups), ‘so, whats your limit in pushups, how many can you do?’…he’s already worked out that my litte questions Im asking him, are (were) to find out what his capabilities and limits are….and possibly to find out exercises etc that he doesnt like that much….so I could get him to do them. But…that plan has FAILED. The rule now is that Im not to try to get hints out of him…or from his/our gym buddies. Dammit…haha…
June 28, 2012 – Ive come down with a chest lurgy, that two weeks later is still hanging in there….so, thats put a complete stop to my training at the moment 😦 But..hopefully it wont be toooo much longer before Im back training again. I miss it!! Onwards and upwards!